Dimi why you up now

I'm a newly single lady living in New York City. Thank god for Tinder. The below (which will actually be above, as this is a blog) are most of my failed attempts at finding love on Tinder. And by love, I mean men between ages 26-32 within a mile radius that I can make out with. Not everyone (read: no one) gets my attempts at humor, which clearly goes downhill when combined with alcohol because I sound like a dirty old Mexican. 

I missed that memo that you're supposed to play hard to get with Ryan. It has only been about 12 hours since I sent that, but I'm hopeful he will respond.

I don't think Adeel liked my joke, but he certainly liked my jewelry!

Ivan seems nice but I'm not sure that he knows English is actually my first language. Whatevs it was 3:07 AM. 

Such a smooth opening line with Dimi. Again with the English language..

Things took a strange turn with Dimi. 

Another great opening line. Joe has not answered me. 

Richard's not having it either. 

I think Scott and I connected but then I took it too far with the alien abduction massage emojis.

I didn't author this but it went well with Evan. 

And that's when I knew it was time to get off Tinder. 

Tinder is pretty passive aggressive with the dot dot dot TELL YOUR FRIENDS you looked at every single man around you on tinder in the largest city on the world and there is literally no one else to see. byeeeee.