i'm tinderella, so YOLO

JACK

is his name, so I thought I would have a clever open because I'm *cute and quirky* like Zooey!!!!

NATE

Messed up this intro pretty hard.

wow so i'm a huge spaz.

TOM

I only swipe guys who I would actually meet IRL. As much as I joke around with these Tinder men, I am serious about finding my man on here.

But I love dogs. Look at that little pooch! Woof! Woof!

anyway...

RONALD

Backstory: I LOVE MCDONALDS so much. I get this chick's frustration and if she were to pop up on tinder, I would swipe left and buy her some McD's. 

OK so when I see a man named RONALD guess what happens? 

#noanswer #obv #datsme

MATTHEW

I don't know why I was mean to Matthew, he looked really nice and cute. Hope he likes bitches.  

I'm guessing he's NOT into bitches because he had no reply. 

JAMES

Like honestly, if a guy messaged me this, I would prob. take off my location settings and report him to the police. But I'm Tinderella, so YOLO

 SAM

Mmm ya he's a DJ.

yea... 

MICHAEL

We could have been so perfect together. I love preppy white boy rappers. 

love always,

Tinderella 

my aunt joanne is a b_tch.

DYLAN
is super cute. 

That's why I message him at 3:24 am...

bald grampa emoji? #oops #blackout #awkward #neverresponding

PATRICK

Patrick thinks I'm tweaking on meth right now. 

Cool well I was home for Thanksgiving too but he never asked. 

JOHN

10:15pm I'm feeling frisky. super smooth. I'm going with the one word approach with this man. 

That did not go as I planned. 

BLAKE

Mullet Blake, sadsiesss no answer. 

BEN #1

Ben hasn't been active on tinder in a month. Must be nice to have a life #amiright

I gave him 20 days and then I followed up with a knee slapper.

No answer. 

BEN #2

Gonna go with the strategy of asking questions about common interests because I love aliens too. 

  

I'm still thinking of something clever.

UPDATE: GREG

Greg is the only one who talks to me for more than one day. 

my middle name is not Joanne and I don't have aunt joanne so this is not off to a good start

Love always, 

Tinderella

Questions and (No) Answers

Everything has been going really terrible on Tinder so I tried the millionaire matchmaker's question approach because she is an

ANDREW

Even though Andrew appears to have no neck, I like him anyway bc #lowstandards #desperate

GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANTHONY

I hit up Anthony who had some....interesting pictures

No answer. 

ZACH

Dang, look at his muscles. 

Neither of his personalities responded.

BRENDAN

I hate to run but I think it's great that people enjoy it. Like Brendan. 

I was drunk early the night of November 25th hence my creeping before midnight 

Idk if that means no....

KEVIN

That night leads me to my 3:30am message to Kevin where I am feeling all cute and quirky. 

No one ever answers me. 

SHALOM ALONE

I have been living a double life with Isaac by pretending I am Jewish. Thankfully, I have jewfaq.org and clever friends to supply me with some words so we can sext. 

We exchanged numbers after this. I found out he literally speaks Hebrew and is from France so I stopped talking to him because like, I could never meet him in real life as I took my lie way too far. And also he blocked me on Tinder.