HE DON'T LIKE LIL JON

robots are c*nts.

whoops, took that literally! -siri

then EISNER came along

bye.

LiSTENING TO GARTH BROOKS ALONE.

Hey! What's up?! It's Tinderella. I'm drinking vodka and listening to "I Got Friends in Low Places" on repeat by myself. life is great. My neighbor is in the hospital unfortunately, but now I can play Garth Brooks without her banging on the wall.

i haven't blogged in a while but this is my life via Tinder. The dates are of of order, but literally nothing has happened so for all intents and purposes here we go:


EDDIE was forgetful.

Paul moved out a day after I sent that.*

then i met LEANDRO from BRAZIL

Boring BYEEE


Sometimes I give compliments that I don't even know are compliments.

But seriously. Look at it.

* i don't have a roommate named paul, though.

Someone get me Chris Harrison ASAP. I can't do this alone.

Ok so thank you for reading this. I love hearing how y'all read it and this is kind of like "The Bachelor." You're all on this journey with me, but I won't back out like that dirtbag Juan Pablo. Got mah rosesss ready: 

DAN

I'm not sure if I'm this awkward in real life, but this is our conversation. Just for context--he had a picture of him swinging a golf club. 

JOEY

Someone doesn't like dad jokes.....

SHAWN

So look at this hot man. 

SERIOUSLY. I AM AN IDIOT. In what world would a person answer that? And I clearly remember being in bed giggling for like 5 minutes because I thought that was so clever. Thanksssss, bottle(s) of wine. 

SPENCER

Here's the thing. It is a really good rhyme. I just wasn't feeling his pics. I know that's mean, just don't judge Tinderella. 

EYYUP

Yes, Eyyup. Not sure if this is a compliment or insult: 

GAVIN

Heh. Heh. Hehheheheheh. Heh. 

Yours Truly,

Tinderella

all dressed up and no one will talk to me.

I decided to re-activate my Tinder account because I love Tinder and just can't get away from my dream of finding love online.

Not everyone else was as excited as I was that I was back on Tinder. 

JOE, 36

He rides elephants.

Fine dining and exotic vacations? Sign me up!

i hate elephants and you are unworthy of my love. 

WILL

I don't even know why I ask questions any more.  

moving on....

CLAY

#artsybiotch

Ohhhh OK then. I was about to give you a compliment but whatevs, I won't. 

GAVIN

HERSH

Imma gonna set up a Robin Thicke reference a la "Blurred Lines"

He def did not want it...

Until next time,

T

I'm ready for internet love.

xoxo,

t